am giving myself unnecessary stress dengan cubaan utilising my days and nights. dengan tempat tidur berpindah-randah, dengan kerap outstation-nya.. memang pack unpack je lah kerja aku sekarang
let me first remind myself that i really love being surrounded by orang-orang yg aku sayang. i'll go out of my way to meet them. so aku tak faham kenapa aku tetibe terkecik hati. segala effort that i have done, i have done it voluntarily. aku sangat bernasib baik sebab ade tenaga, resources (money) and ahli keluarga yang baik-baik. i am ever grateful to Allah for granting me battery (if i must add, battery tu merujuk kepada energy. d'oh) yang non-exhaustive. Alhamdullillah, masih sihat and mentally stable at most of the time..
most of the time but not today :'(
rain was about to turun dengan lebatnye masa i jalan towards dayabumi. maybe the weather weighed down my heart a little. which also initiate this post. although i had a fun morning and breakfast with leen, hati aku masih tak puas hati. human. aku mendapat realisation keji. keji yang tahap, am i still a good friend? masalahnya, soalan2 yang aku tanya kat diri sendiri tu menyebabkan aku mempersoalkan keikhlasan diri sendiri. mengungkit la kau lagi huda.. selama ni aku tak pernah berkira and tetiba pagi ni aku tercompare effort orang-orang di sekeliling aku. boleh la kan kau nak compare macam tu? aritu aku dah coax my feeling with "people and their limitation", pastu lagi mau sentap k.. TAK FAHAM APESAL SYAITAN NI SAIKO. hahahah..
so anyway.
conclusion-nya... it's about time that i start to realise that i don't need to be available to everyone. some of them don't deserve to be around me. if i behave differently after this, seriously ok, it's not you, it's me.. :) *smiley faham-faham sendiri*
re-quoting tweet kawan baik "abis ati kita sapa nak jaga??"
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